My "friend" is annoying the CRAP out of me! PLEASE HELP?

When I first came to my school she was probably the nicest person there, she became my friend quickly and we had a good little friendship going. THEN she turned super-b*tch on me, let me explain how. She lies constantly, and not only about little stuff but like really important stuff too. Then when she tells me she is lying she laughs hysterically like it's the best joke in the world and gets pissed when I don't laugh along because it seriously hurts. She has absolutely the worst sense of humor I’ve seen and laughs at stupid childish stuff that’s really more annoying than funny. She is very over-dramatic, with her emotions, with what she says, and even in her movements, she puts a little more emphasis on it than is needed. She teases me about stupid stuff that I messed up on a long time ago that was funny then but not now. She pops up and follows me where I obviously don’t want her. She is very full of herself and thinks she is the greatest thing in the world when she barley has any talent because when she decides to do something she tries it for a bit and gives up because it doesn’t work for her in a snap. (Ex. Like playing the guitar) I try to help her and give her advice but she either ignores me or gets angry at me for trying to help. She tries to give me advice on things that I already know how to do and explains it to me like I am mentally handicapped, and some advice I can tell before even attempting it is simply horrible and seems almost intentional to make me look like a fool, and if I tell her she is giving bad advice she gets mad and starts cursing at me then apologizes a day later. When I playfully poke at her for the wrong stuff she does, she gets mad and either threatens me or starts telling me off. What makes it even worse is that she is friends with all my other friends. Plus if I was witty enough to try and tell her I don’t want to be friends she’d go about spilling my secrets to everyone. (She learned these secrets when she was a “good” friend) One story I feel I should share, like very lately she’s been teasing me about the guy I like and it’s like and when I get angry at her for doing it she gets an innocent face and is like “I’m not teasing that you like him! Why are so mad? I didn’t do anything!” Plus when she apologizes she just does it so well that you just have to accept it. She’s been acting like this for about a year and a half now and she seems to get worse and worse every day. Please give me advice on how to deal with this chick before I punch her in the face? ):