Does anyone know a suicide prevention chatroom or forum ? Thx.?

Ive been having some ups and huge downs for the past 4 months... At first the downs were small and bearable but everytime they grow bigger and are steeper to climb... Lately ive been having some dark thoughts and I'd really need a chatroom, NOT A HOTLINE, to speak with someone to fume a bit and get help, not just sympathy or 'its gonna be ok' comments... Everytime I try to get my life back in order, everything collapses more than the previous attempt... Im 19 btw, but you can spare the 'you're going through changes blah blah' ive heard those and they do nothing except further aggrevate the situation. Thx for your answers, its more appreciated than you'd imagine.